For much of my adult life, I did not understand the importance of healthy space in a relationship. In fact, I had no clue what men needed to be happy. I naively believed that attraction was based solely on intelligence and looks. I thought I had it all. I was good looking, and I was smart! But, then why was it that my relationships suffered time and time again?
What I didn't realize then was how needy and dependent I was in my romantic relationships. Even though I had a successful career as an attorney, and I was funny and relatively attractive, I derived my self worth from these external conditions.
When we haven't healed from our past childhood traumas we walk around exposed and looking for others to fill us up. Because we haven't learned how to parent our inner child or meet or own needs, we look to our partner to do it for us. This leads to a very unhealthy dynamic.
If you are in a relationship with a healthy masculine man, you will notice that he is quite independent. This means he derives his sense of well being NOT ONLY from you but also from his work and his other relationships. It's important to heal and become whole so that you are not showing up from a wounded, dependant place.
When I healed these parts of myself, suddenly I no longer needed that constant approval and reassurance from my relationship. I was able to follow my own dreams and passions aside from the relationship. My partner then became the cherry on top - he was not the ONLY thing I derived purpose and meaning from. Suddenly my partner was able to breathe and our dynamic was one of interdependence. Now, I understand the importance of creating that healthy space in our relationship. It not only allows us to pursue our own passions but it helps sustain desire for one another.
Desire comes from seeing your partner flourish in their own life. When he/she does not need you, rather chooses you. If you are noticing that your partner is suddenly less interested in spending time with you, take space. Allow him to pull away while you engage in activities outside of the relationship or work on your inner world. Once he's had some healthy space to breathe, he will naturally be intrigued again and will look for you.